


James Nesbitt - The Match-Maker From Hell

by Zuzivlas



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit RPF
Genre: Almost Rape, Dean and Graham are infuriating, Fluff, Jimmy is a Little Shit, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-13
Updated: 2013-06-13
Packaged: 2017-12-14 21:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/841800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zuzivlas/pseuds/Zuzivlas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is no secret that Dean and Graham have feelings for each other but for whatever reason, both are too shy to do anything about it. So, naturally, Jimmy takes the matters into his own hands and catastrophe follows. Will Graham save Dean in time?</p>
<p>Fill for a kink meme prompt</p>
            </blockquote>





	James Nesbitt - The Match-Maker From Hell

There was nothing more terrifying in the world than Jimmy Nesbitt with a plan… especially if it involved meddling with the love lives of his fellow cast mates. The Hobbit cast could write extensive volumes on the topic ranging from full on horror stories to farces. Jimmy wouldn’t be deterred by his less than successful attempts though and watching Dean and Graham on set ignited another match-making spark in him. Granted, at least with those two there were actual feelings involved rather than the Irishman simply putting people together he’d like to see paired that were such platonic friends it was embarrassing to even think about his ideas of their coupling. All of the cast had to concede that the fun sized Kiwi and strong built Scotsman were gazing at each other longingly when they thought nobody was looking and wore the stupidest grins on their cute little faces whenever somebody mentioned the other in their vicinity. 

 

However, unlike Jimmy, the rest was more than happy to let the love birds move at their own pace and leave things well enough alone because for those two, getting together was inevitable. Plus, interfering was against the rules of their bet on when one of them would actually man up and confess his feelings and intentions since there was an embarrassingly high sum of money in the pot. Jimmy wasn’t particularly known for his patience and after a couple of weeks when nothing remarkable had happened, he devised a foolproof master plan that was simply too perfect to fail, if Jimmy dared say so himself. Roping Jed into helping, which wasn’t necessarily hard since Jed had adopted the role of Dean’s surrogate older brother before even the Lord of the Rings movies came out and thus refused to join the betting, Jimmy put his plan into action.

 

It was simple really, Peter had scheduled a week off for most of the cast and while the rest of the guys wanted to spend some quality time with their families or in peace of solitude after being surrounded by so many people 24/7, he somehow persuaded Dean and Graham to join him and Jed on a sort of road trip. They’d visit a couple of places, spend the nights in hotels and Jimmy would make sure to book double bed rooms to force Dean and Graham to share a bed and boom, bang, fireworks. Only, there was a slight hitch in his seemingly invincible plan – Dean and Graham were so damnably shy around each other that absolutely nothing happened between them during the first three evenings. Jed was starting to lose hope but Jimmy wouldn’t give up, definitely not when he watched Graham whisper something to Dean which made the blond blush.

 

The solution came to him in the form of a leaflet he saw in one of the hotel lobbies. It spoke of a club that clearly catered to the gay portion of the population and smiling brightly, he had herded all three actors into the car without explaining where they were going outside of making them dress fancier than they would for a casual pub. If nothing else, it was worth it just to see their expressions once it became apparent just where the insane Irishman had taken them; Jed simply raised an eyebrow clearly doubtful of the whole operation, Graham would have incinerated him on the spot if looks could kill and Dean squirmed in apparent uneasiness. He had explained, in a slightly panicky voice that Jimmy mocked making Graham scow, that because of his career including several gay characters and a leather clad Iolaus, he was quite well-known on this scene and would probably get hit on for the rest of the evening. 

 

The steam running from Graham’s nostrils that made him look like a rather pissed off bull was all the proof Jimmy needed that this was the perfect course of action as he forcefully ushered the trio inside and found a table that overlooked the action on the dance floor. His hope was that Dean’s prediction would come true and maybe the Scotsman would finally reach his breaking point caused by all the jealousy and carry the Kiwi slung over his shoulder like a proper caveman to have his wicked way with him. Smiling brighter than a supernova as Graham slung a possessive arm over Dean’s shoulder when they sat down, Jimmy went to purchase the first round of shots for himself and the love birds, Jed was the designated driver so he got him miner water instead. 

 

Within the next two hours it became apparent that Dean hadn’t been exaggerating about the interest he would spark, he had actually downplayed it monumentally because he didn’t have to pay for a single drink all night as the suitors kept a steady stream of alcohol coming while several of the braver ones asked him for a dance, even with the looming presence of Graham all but rubbing himself on Dean to mark his territory. Dean had put up a valiant fight and politely declined the first five offers but after that the dance partners wouldn’t be easily deterred anymore and all of a sudden Dean found himself spun on the dancing floor with a myriad of guys plastering themselves all over him and touching places that made him squeak. 

 

Jimmy marvelled at the shades of red Graham’s face was turning while his eyes were glued to his Kiwi getting groped by guys who clearly didn’t understand the meaning of the word no. Both Jed and Jimmy held in their breath when Graham stood up suddenly, hoping that perhaps the man would finally grow a pair and storm the dance floor throwing the competition off of Dean and claiming him then and there for everyone to see. But of course Graham turned the other way instead and growling out something about needing fresh air he strode out of the club with a few quick angry strides. 

 

“Well that didn’t go as planned.”

 

“Tell me about it! These two are worse than anyone I have ever known. I’m starting to feel like I’ll have to go for desperate measures.”

 

“Taking them to a gay club and whoring Dean out to make Graham jealous wasn’t a desperate measure?”

 

“Nah, that’s what I call divine intervention Brophy!”

 

“I’m scared to ask but I need to know, what exactly is the desperate measure plan Nesbitt?” Jimmy either didn’t hear the warning in Jed’s voice or chose to blissfully ignore it.

 

“You keeping Graham busy while I strip our darling Kiwi and tie him to Graham’s bed in the single most inviting position. Do you think it would be too much to use a magic marker and scribble ‘property of Graham McTavish, plow at will Mr Dwalin’ all over Dean’s glorious ass cheeks?”

 

“You are a sick puppy mister, sick.” 

 

“Hey, I’d do anything to help a friend.”

 

“Remind me never to ask for your help Nesbitt.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Before Jed could explain in great detail just how damaging Jimmy’s help usually turned out to be, Dean interrupted them by collapsing into his chair, panting and drowning two shots in quick succession. 

 

“I hate you Nesbitt, I really fucking hate you right now.”

 

“Awww, what is this? Kick an Irishman day? What did I do to you?!”

 

“I’ve counted seven different hands groping my ass and three groping my crotch while an entourage of horny men dry humped me on the dance floor. If this is your idea of a fun evening you are welcome to enjoy it without me.”

 

“It’s not my fault that half of the roles you choose to play are gays and the other half love to be naked, occasionally combining the two and being delectable while doing it O’Gorman! Just say no to them.”

 

“I’ve been saying no all evening! Doesn’t stop them. Seriously James, can we leave now, please?” The sincere desperation in Dean’s voice and the fact that he had called him James which was rare was almost enough to break Jimmy’s resolve, almost.

 

“Nah, gotta at least wait for Graham to come back first. Wouldn’t want to leave him to the vultures would you?” Jimmy was playing dirty and he knew it but whatever works right? It certainly made Dean deflate and nod in acquiescence. 

 

“Alright. But the moment he returns we are out of here ok?”

 

“Sure thing Deano!”

 

“I’ll go grab one last round while we wait.” And there went Jed, running away from the fight before he got caught in it, the traitor. Not that Jimmy got to ponder it for too long since the squirming Kiwi across him occupied his attention once more.

 

“Jimmy, can I ask you for a favour?”

 

“Sure kiddo. What is it?”

 

“Don’t take this the wrong way but can you please come with me to the jacks?” It was a good thing that Jimmy wasn’t drinking anything at that moment because he would have surely spat it all over Dean.

 

“Come again?”

 

“Christ Nesbitt, can you accompany me to the restroom?”

 

“Can’t you just go by yourself?”

 

“No. It’s not… safe.”

 

“Oh come off it Deano, you’re not a little schoolgirl that needs to go in a flock and these are decent people.”

 

“Just fuck you Nesbitt, seriously!”

 

With that the Kiwi strode to the restroom complaining the whole way, not that Jimmy understood why. He began feeling a little worried when Jed returned and there was still no sign of Dean but shrugged it off. By the time Graham got back ten minutes later, James was genuinely worried and followed the large Scotsman as he all but ran after Dean once Jimmy explained where the Kiwi was.

 

Dean had been grumbling when he entered the rest room and seeing that there were a few guys using the urinals who promptly eyed him, he decided to do his business in a stall instead. His plan had been sound and it had almost worked except the guys were still there when he got out and apparently, they were waiting for him. Evaluating the situation quickly, he jumped for the door hoping to escape but the fact that they had apparently locked it slowed him down enough that they caught him and dragged him back. 

 

He fought, desperately trying to remember any useful attacks and grips from his childhood karate lessons and while he did manage to strike four of them in their faces and chests and in a case or two the groin, there were simply too many of them. A needle piercing the skin of his neck was the last thing he felt before the whole world began spinning wildly and his limbs got a hundred times heavier, causing him to collapse into the arms of one of his attackers. The man caressed his cheek almost lovingly as he whispered something about Dean being beautiful and just how much fun they were going to have with him as deft fingers began undoing Dean’s belt. 

 

There had only been a few situations in his life when Graham felt actual panic but the moment he found out that he couldn’t open the bathroom door was definitely one of them. Before he could explain to Jed and James what was wrong, he was already bracing himself to slam his shoulder into the wood in hopes of breaking through. It took some help from Jed but in the end, the men had managed to tumble inside uncaring about the destroyed property. The sight that had greeted them was something that would haunt their sleep for days to come.

 

Dean lay on the ground on his side, his jeans undone and pushed down to his thighs together with his underwear revealing his naked bottom with one man jerking his hard cock in preparation of entering the Kiwi. There was another man with his cock in his hand pushing it past Dean’s lips while several more stood by and watched, waiting for their turn. Graham saw red and in a voice that promised painful and slow death ordered the punks to leave immediately or else, Jed joining him with a promise to call the police which finally spurred them into action and they ran away with haste. James stood frozen by the door as Graham kneeled by Dean and righted his clothes, pushing the Kiwi to lie on his back to survey the damage. 

 

Dean’s head lolled to the side and once Graham turned it to get a better look, he realized that the Kiwi had been drugged, heavily so. His pupils were blown so wide than only the thinnest circle of blue remained, a muffled sound leaving Dean’s lips that was probably supposed to be Graham’s name but which contained far too many additional letters and syllables to be recognizable. Needing to leave the place at once, Graham scooped Dean into his arms making the blond look like a ragdoll with his limbs hanging off and head fallen back to expose his pale neck. Jed helped rest Dean’s noggin against Graham’s chest and tucked his arms in, looking sick to the stomach as much as the other two felt as they finally stepped out of the bathroom and out of the club. 

 

Jed’s knuckles were white from how hard he was gripping the steering wheel as he wordlessly drove back to their hotel, constantly checking the pair in the backseat. James looked at them with guilt filled eyes, horror images of what could have happened hadn’t Graham interfered running through his brain. For his part, Graham was clutching the Kiwi to his chest as hard as he dared without hurting the blond, attempting to shield him with his body from the truth of what had happened. Dean remained absolutely pliant through the whole drive making the men even more nauseated at how defenceless he would have been for so long as the sick fucks from the club took advantage of him. 

 

Once they arrived, Jed helped Graham out of the car because the Scotsman didn’t let go of Dean for even a second, striding to their shared room without giving James a single glance. The Irishman followed the procession with a downcast head knowing that he had let his friends down and vowing to leave things alone from now on. Jed held the door open for Graham before he gently clicked it shut with a reassurance that should they need him or James, they would be in their room no matter the time. Soberly the two dragged themselves to the adjacent quarters and all but collapsed on their bed knowing that sleep wouldn’t come easy that night. 

 

On the other side of the wall, Graham gently lay Dean down on the bed, his thumb caressing the blond’s cheek to reassure himself that Dean was really there with him and relatively unharmed all things considered. The Kiwi was still out of it, varying between unconsciousness and staring blankly with unfocused eyes at whatever happened to be in the line of his sight at that moment. Brushing the hair away from Dean’s forehead, Graham leaned down to plant a soft kiss on the brow, whispering reassurances to deaf ears.

 

“I’m here darling, you’re safe. I won’t let anybody hurt you ever again.”

 

Kissing Dean’s closed eyelids Graham refrained for doing anymore more. Much as he wanted Dean, and after all that had happened he would tell the Kiwi the truth the next day if for nothing else than to make sure to use his chance before it was gone, he wasn’t a rapist. Unlike some, he wanted Dean to be fully conscious at the time to be able to make his own decision whether or not he wanted Graham back and no matter how much it could hurt, Graham would respect it. But, there was no reason why he couldn’t make Dean more comfortable and doing his best to ignore the warmth spreading through his body, Graham began the task of undressing Dean down to his boxers. Dean remained unmoving, letting Graham manhandle him out of his own clothes without a protest making the Scotsman sick to the stomach once more.

 

Forcing his fingers not to touch the planes of exposed pale skin that worked like a Siren call on Graham, the older man covered Dean with the sheet and with a final parting kiss to his brow collapsed on his own side of the bed, never once looking away from Dean’s prone body, not even when he undressed himself to get more comfortable. A little over two hours into Graham’s silent vigil, the drug was finally starting to wear off and although Dean was still out of it, the after-effects of being drugged were appearing. It began with slight tremors running through the lithe body but by the time Dean was a shivering mess, Graham couldn’t take it anymore and slipped under the sheet to join him, taking Dean into his arms and spooning him to offer his body heat.

 

The trick seemed to have worked because soon, Dean calmed down again and burrowed a little deeper to the offered comfort and warmth before he finally fell asleep. Graham barely shut his eyes all night, choosing instead to caress the soft skin of Dean’s belly and nuzzling against the curls on his nape to inhale the untarnished smell of the Kiwi, memorizing it in case this would be the only chance he’d get to breathe his fill. Sometime after dawn, Graham had managed to doze off, lulled by the fact that all of his senses were filled with Dean. He woke up a few hours later lying on his back with a welcome weight on top of his chest that was squirming as Dean’s eyes finally fluttered open and for the first time in a while focused on Graham. He saw a mild flash of confusion in the blue depths and breathed a sigh of relief that the pupils were back to normal dilation. 

 

“The fuck happened last night?” The words were a little slurred but this time it was caused by sleepiness rather than a drug and Graham’s arms tightened around the smaller frame unconsciously.

 

“What do you remember?”

 

“Not much. I remember the club, arguing with James, going to the restroom and after that it’s just a haze of conflicting emotions. There’s fear and pain and then nothingness before an overwhelming sense of comfort.”

 

Dean’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he tried to remember more but nothing came. For the first time, Graham was thankful for the potency of the drugs because the less Dean remembered the better. He’d have to tell him of course, it would be unfair otherwise but at least Dean wouldn’t have the memories to go with the tale. 

 

“You were attacked. By the time we got to you, a band of creeps had managed to drug you and-“

 

Graham couldn’t force himself to say the words, growling instead as he hugged Dean even tighter. He didn’t have to though, Dean could piece the evidence together to get a rather accurate idea of what must have transpired. Thankfully, he felt no soreness in his lower regions or jaw so clearly the cavalry had arrived in time. A shiver ran down his spine at what could have happened and he snuggled into Graham’s chest soaking up the comfort offered so freely.

 

“Thank you, for saving me.”

 

“I, I wanted to hurt them, to kill them. You were lying on the floor and you were so damn fucking out of it and I-“

 

Graham never got a chance to elaborate because Dean moved up and kissed him, the press of his lips soft but growing more desperate when the Scotsman overcame his shock and kissed back. It was frantic, both men needing to reassure themselves that they were both ok and that the world would be right again. In the end it was the need for air that forced them apart even if they refused to move more than a few inches, still able to feel the frantic breath of each other upon their heated skin.

 

“I’ve wanted to do this for so damn long Graham, you have no idea.”

 

“Likewise. You’re so damn fucking gorgeous and funny and charming and intelligent and I may be in love with you…”

 

The words tumbled out of Graham without any control and while he wished he could have phrased it a little better he didn’t want to take them back. Especially not after Dean’s face lit up like a Christmas tree as the Kiwi kissed him passionately once more.

 

“I think I may be in love with you too.”

 

The happy gasp as Graham flipped them over and thoroughly ravished Dean like a man possessed was one of the first sounds Jimmy and Jed heard through the paper-thin walls. Definitely not last and Jed groaned as he threw his pillow at Jimmy’s smug face. They would be alright.


End file.
